Cheese, wine, French grandparents. What do these things have in common? If you answered, “they’re French,” then you missed the point. The point is that they are all best when aged.

Such is often the case with comedy. That feeling you get when no one laughs at your joke can really sting, but deep down inside, you keep telling yourself that you’re just ahead of your time. Well, your vindication has arrived, in the form of a video.

Welcome to the chicken and rice archives. Down the rabbit hole and into the vault we go…

Directions from 1989:
Measure out 2 quarts of water. Pour into saucepan. Heat at high until boiling. Measure 1/4 cup butter, 1/4 milk. Add macaroni to water. Stir constantly. After 7 minutes, 30 seconds, strain using colander. Place back in saucepan. Add butter, milk, cheese packet. Stir until mixed. Eat half.

Directions from 2009:
Fill saucepan with water. Place on stove and set to high. Leave. Come back 30 minutes later. Add more water. Leave. Come back 5 minutes later. Add macaroni. Stir. Leave. Come back when hungry. Strain macaroni using saucepan lid. Add butter and cheese packet. Stir. Look for milk. Add water. Stir until mixed. Eat all. Preheat oven for corn dogs.

Step 1: Set your email account to auto-respond to a particular individual with simple yet thought-provoking questions.

Step 2: Ask that person one (or potentially two) legitimate questions to get the ball rolling.

Step 3: See how many emails it takes for him or her to figure it out.

For example (note, this was not done with an auto-responder, but i really dont think it made a difference):

Tue, Mar 24, 2009 at 3:53 PM rice: Make it to Germany?
Tue, Mar 24, 2009 at 7:14 PM L: YES FOO
Tue, Mar 24, 2009 at 7:15 PM rice: ping pong tomorrow?
Tue, Mar 24, 2009 at 7:22 PM L: I’m in Germany, [censored].
Tue, Mar 24, 2009 at 7:47 PM rice: wait…what?
Tue, Mar 24, 2009 at 7:48 PM L: did you read your first question?
Tue, Mar 24, 2009 at 7:59 PM rice: wha…?
Tue, Mar 24, 2009 at 7:59 PM L: ok dude. Are you in Bonn, Germany? Answer yes or no.
Tue, Mar 24, 2009 at 8:30 PM rice: ummm….wha…?
Tue, Mar 24, 2009 at 8:33 PM L:
You asked: Make it to Germany?
I said: YES [FOO]
then you proceeded to ask if i could play ping-pong tomorrow.
How, pray, are we going to play? via video conference or are you coming over?

Tue, Mar 24, 2009 at 10:28 PM rice: waah?
Tue, Mar 24, 2009 at 10:29 PM L: keep thinking we’re playing tomorrow.
Wed, Mar 25, 2009 at 8:24 AM rice: whhhhhaaaaa?

I deem this a success.