When people say that the best meal is the one you cook yourself, they are usually lying to you.  On a fateful Thursday night, however, with the stars and planets aligned, the moon full, and the Kurinji flower in bloom, the doors to hell itself opened, and I iron chefed up some dinner that was unbelievably good (please note: correlation does not imply causation). It was as if i was possessed by a master-chef of old. He whispered things. Ancient things. He said: (please note, the transcription below is not for the faint of heart)

2 boneless pork chops
1/2 medium green pepper, cut into squares
5 white mushrooms, sliced
3 sprouts of green onion, chopped
2 slices ham
1 slice American cheese
2 tsp thyme
1 tsp garlic
3 tbsp oil
salt, pepper

Trim some, but not all fat from pork chops. Coat each lightly with salt, pepper, garlic, and thyme. Heat oil in 12in non-stick saucepan at high. Sear either side of pork chop. Reduce heat to medium. Add green peppers. Wait a few minutes and then add mushrooms. Stir mushrooms and green peppers, and flip pork chops occasionally to ensure even cooking. When pork chop is almost cooked, place 1/2 slice of cheese on each pork chop and cover with a slice of ham. Wait until cheese is melted and throw green onions on top of dish. Serve immediately. Recommended side: mashed potatoes.

The pork chops were moist, and enhanced by the flavor of the ham to give the dish just a tinge of sweetness. The sharpness of the cheese further accentuated the commonality of the ham and the pork, while literally holding the dish together. The green peppers and mushroom not only added moisture during the cooking process but had absorbed the flavor of the pork, and provided texture to the meal.

It had me at the first bite. It let me delve into its soul and search for the meaning of existence. For the first time in my life, I was a medium of greatness, as master chef and student pork chop conducted an orchestra in my kitchen. I asked what I should call it, and the pork chop whispered back, much like the ancient master who was possessing me at the time. Pork Xtreme, you are delicious. So it is written.

In the beginning, there was the sandwich and the antisandwich. But the populace divided, and some did support the sandwich, while others did support the antisandwich, and so did society itself split and crumble  like stale bread at its sandwich-related seams. And the battles fought did shake the core of humanity itself.
So it is told that when all was lost did Steve the Baker appear. And so he did declare an end to the fighting as the battles had ravaged both sandwich and antisandwich alike, but he did determine that of the sandwich and antisandwich, there could be only one. So was a challenge issued to either side to put forth its best wich upon which Steve the Baker would pass judgment in a final test. Thus did each side search far and wide for the greatest sandwich and antisandwich makers in the land. And upon choosing the best did each side ask its maker to present the fruits of his labors to Steve the Baker. Steve the Baker did judge these wiches, and upon deciding so declared to the people that though each was delicious, the bread of sandwich did serve as a protective womb, keeping ones fingers clean during consumption. Thus did Steve the Baker decide that the the sandwich was the one true wich. So ended the Battle of the Wich. And the people rejoiced.

Below is written an excerpt from the Book of Sandwich (ch. II)

…so Steve the Baker looked down upon what he had created and saw that it was delicious. And upon this leavened bread did he spread spicy brown mustard, declaring that of the sandwich condiments, spicy brown mustard was superior to mayonnaise. And upon this spicy brown mustard did he place ham sliced so thin that the atoms themselves did tremble in fear. And upon this ham did he place a slice of cheese forged from the milk of Mother Earth herself. So did he place the final slice of leavened bread on the sandwich. But as the people looked on, he did declare that the sandwich was not complete. So did he place the sandwich into the oven and infuse it with the purifying heat of a thousand suns, and so he waited.

…And he removed the sandwich from the oven, and the people saw that the cheese had melted but the bread had not burned. Such was the first miracle of the sandwich. He then looked down upon the sandwich and declared that it was still delicious. And so it was.