You are malnourished.

Say what you will, but the data does not lie. Yes friends, through the ancient science of statistics, we have proven with 99.99% confidence that over the last 6 months, you have increased your blood pressure, gained weight, damaged your liver, blackened your lungs, killed your brain cells, lost weight, or have aged considerably. Try as we might to discount the results, science does not lie.

The solution–more rice. Hearty and delicious, it was something that you were sorely lacking as your body slowly but surely shut down during our little experiment. I cannot with a clean conscience allow this experiment to continue any longer. Friends, let the trumpeters issue the call. Rice has returned.