Friends, you have just undergone an experiment. Without your knowledge or consent, we at chicken and rice put you, good reader, on the Atkins Diet–high in beef, low in rice. However, like all great experiments, this too must come to an end so that we may once again reflect on the propriety of the status quo. As our highly skilled research team tabulates, sub-totals, and box-and-whisker plots the data, we ask you, good reader, how do you feel? Do you feel 15 pounds lighter with a new spring to your step, or are you riddled with ulcers and other vile things? Can you go about your business, or was this really the diet you were looking for?

Luckily for us all, your opinion matters very little. So very little–when we have so much data. And so our research team will work throughout the night, doing the things that research teams do best, and in the morning, we will see which food groups belong at the base of the pyramid.