Booze, liquor, spirits. Spirits? As the last resort for many a desperate soul, perhaps “spirits” works as a provider of false hope. You look depressed. Here, drink this. It will lift your spirits. It’s no surprise that when the economy tanks, the people who consistently rake in the cash are the peddlers of this mystified category of beverages. As people watch their savings melt away daily, they turn to the adult version of a blankie or stuffed animal: alcohol. Long on liquor is short on humanity.

In times of crisis, some people also turn to food. Cheap, easy, comfort-food. For some Americans, this means fast food of the take-out/drive-thru sort. So in trying times, many people head to the local franchise of an enormous fast food chain, then stop by the liquor store for some good, old fashioned denial to wash down their chicken nuggets. Friends, the innovation of entrepreneurship never ceases to amaze me, as nothing could have prepared me for a sign I saw in Virginia, a sign that I later realized was simply the next logical step.

Breakfast shots? Someone at Burger King deserves a raise. Not only did they combine comfort food with comfort drink, but they start selling this concoction at 6am! Get ‘em from the get go. Don’t make them wait until five o’clock. Hell, it’s five o’clock in Bangkok, right? Start pumping these suckers full of apathy as soon as they wake up! Ingenious.

Alas, I was disappointed when I discovered that there is no liquor in these breakfast shots. But there is something to be said about their spirit. The mere marketing ploy of referring to these micro-meals as shots plays to people’s reliance on all things inebriating. How miserable do we have to be before the idea of a shot in the morning starts to sound appealing? According to Burger King’s market research, we’re already there.

But this infatuation with relieving our stress and succumbing to a certain despair we so vaguely like to call hope will only make our problems worse. The American spirit is alive and well, and it is not the kind of spirit you can purchase by the handle. It is reinvigorated by facing down– not chugging down– the harsh reality. It is reinvigorated by a sense of ownership over our obstacles. It is reinvigorated by a hardy meal and a momentary rush of ambition.

Breakfast shots? No, thank you. I’ll take a hamburger with a side of whoop-ass. And then I’ll go and expose breakfast shots for the societal crutches they are. How’s that for spirit?