Sign, sign, everywhere a sign,
Blocking out the scenery, breakin’ my mind,
Do this, don’t do that, can’t you read the sign?
– Five Man Electrical Band

There is no substitute for the invisible hand of the market economy. True, this hand may not be as gentle in prodding us as we once thought. Sometimes it hits us, knocks the wind out of us, or smacks us senseless. Occasionally, it will seem to disappear entirely, only to return a few years later as a fist full of foreclosures. And every once in a while, it will drop a few million barrels of crude oil into our oceans.

But I like to think that this invisible hand plays a more passive role in a global economy. It opens doors for us by providing incentives. Yet we, the consumers, must ultimately decide which doorway to walk through. During trying economic times, our options may be dismal, say, if we must choose between defaulting on a loan or robbing a bank. At junctures such as these, the invisible hand steps aside and says, “take your pick, my good and faithful capitalist.”

It was in one of these lose/lose situations that I found myself while traveling through North Carolina recently. I happened upon a diner with a large sign outside that read: “sizzlin’ steak or eggs”.  But beef, you might inquire, how can someone go wrong with either steak or eggs? Simply put, “steak or eggs” is not “steak AND eggs”.

To borrow an argument from stand-up economist Yoram Bauman, the phrase “steak AND eggs” is clearly better than the phrase “steak OR eggs,” especially for marketing purposes. So why does the diner use OR instead of AND? “Steak AND eggs” must not be true.

This discordant disjunction leaves me wondering how far we can split up our staples of excess. Soon menus will read, “surf or turf” while parents fix for their children “peanut butter or jelly” sandwiches. The new norm might be meat or potatoes, spaghetti or meatballs, fish or chips, bangers or mash, ham or cheese, even–dare I say it–chicken or rice.

Friends, this is the duplicitous future we face if we cannot find a way back to the good old American excess that ironically brought us to this level of financial desperation in the first place. We must perpetuate the cycle, regardless of signs that try to dismay us. What kind of country do we live in if a diner cannot offer its patrons both steak and eggs? Everywhere, there are signs of despair, signs with misspellings and logical fallacies, signs that try to dissuade us from our American ways. Well I take issue with these signs, as they are signs of the times, no longer!