Enter Croatia, so rightfully named because its populate has the highest percentage of cromagnate dna in the world, and appears to be reverting rather than evolving up the evolutionary chain. Tis a sad day for Darwinists, but a good day for a gluten-free grain.

After a harrowing plane flight, winding roads, and more than a few close encounters with wandering farm animals, we made it to our destination. The rumors were true. The roads were lined with beautifully decorated stucco houses, all with clear views of the Mediterranean sea encompassing the skyline. All one could hear was the occassion
car engine above the chirping of birds. It was truly paradise. How backwards.

Dinner confirmed my suspicions. We ordered from a selection of freshly-caught fish which was brought directly to our table on a large cart before being delicately grilled. The waiters were witty and brought us course after course of food on the house, just because they liked us. The truffle pasta and risotto, both delicacies of the region, merely whet my appetite for the main course. The seafood paired well with the local white wine, and the sea bass was cooked perfectly, leaving the fish juicy and flavorful. We finished the meal with sorbet and brandy, both on the house. The final bill–a mere $30 per person. Oh quaint populace of Croatia, how we would have paid twice as much for such a fine meal. You truly have much to learn.

In other news, the beard is coming in well. It appears to be full in nature, not yet gray, improves my scruffyness stat +3. So far, a tremendous success.

Friends, for the next three weeks, I, rice, will assume human form so that I can observe quaint and simple cultures in their native habitats. Yes, you guessed correctly, I am traveling to Europe. My foodtripping adventure begins in Boston, armed with only my Droid and whatever unsecured wireless signal I can find. My mission: to study food and food-like products. My goal: to not shave for the next 3 weeks.

Some may argue that my mission and goal are unrelated. Fools, they fail to understand that food must be experienced using all six senses. Beard-sense is arguably the most important, if not the most overlooked.

So I find myself in logan airport, having just finished a repulsive, overpriced plate of terriyaki chicken, hoping that my next meal will be better than the last. Welcome to beard day zero. Allons-y!