Cake in American society is frequently associated with various rites of passage. Whether you are turning 7 or 70, nothing says Congratulations like eggs, flour, butter, and sugar. Of course, some cakes are overlooked, considered symbols of gratuitous American excess rather than conveying the meaning  and significance of their more-timely cousins. To all of the cakes out there which are scarfed down instead of celebrated, this post’s for you.

Oh pre-wedding wedding cake, a cake by any other name would taste as delicious. Yet you are cursed to forever live in the shadows of a rehearsal dinner, consumed and discarded, lost and forgotten.  Do not feel ashamed of your plight. You were born as a pre-wedding wedding cake, never given the opportunity to show the world how magical you could make someone’s special moment. You are the poor, inner-city student of the cake world, but were never given the affirmative action frosting of All-American aspirations to live the dream. But never forget, oh disenfranchised cakes of the world, that the more delicious you are, the more likely your cakeson or cakedaugher will be served at an event worthy of respect and admiration of which you can be proud. Stay strong, oh cakes one and all, stay stong. Your consumption is not in vain.