An updated list of current economic crises around the world, using cows. I decided the old one just didn’t have to scope to cover the absurdity of today’s problems. Enjoy. Moo.
-beef

United States (Wall Street)
You have two cows. They wander away. The government gives you two more. You immediately slaughter them, dispose of the meat, and use the hides to reupholster the leather on your massaging recliner in your private jet. You then ask the government for two more cows.

United States (Main Street)
You have two cows. The government takes both of them and gives them to a struggling corporation. A private jet flies overhead. You have a cow.

Florida
You have two cows. The government takes both of them and gives them to your mortgage lender. You lose your house.

Russia
You have three cows. You lose one. The government halts trading and spends one of your two remaining cows researching how to stop losing cows. The markets reopen. You now have no cows.

Tibet
You have a yak. The Chinese government takes it and exiles you.

Zimbabwe
You have two cows. You trade them for a roll of toilet paper. Half a roll of toilet paper. A sheet of toilet paper. You waited too long.

Gaza
You have no cows. You receive 900 million cows in international aid.

Haiti
You have no cows. No one cares.

Iran
You have two nukes. You tell everyone they’re cows.

North Korea
You have two cows. You tell everyone they’re nukes.

Greenland
You have a polar bear. It eats you. You’re ahead of the curve.

China
You have two cows. The government takes them and lends them to America, promising you an eventual three cows and a plot of land in Oklahoma. But for now, you get a yak.

Switzerland
You produce chocolate and cheese. Why is no one producing any milk?