There’s a ten-ton elephant in the room, and 3 months ago it released the political equivalent of Vista to the American public. Sure it had a few new features and fixed a few old bugs, but at the end of the day it was just a clunky upgrade of its predecessor desperately hoping to capture the “Jesus is the internet” segment of the population. The opposing side on the other hand countered with OS X, shiny, hip, young, and available on both black and white Macbook models.

What happened? What happened is what Apple has understood for years.  It catapulted the computer company in the late 90s from a fringe cult to a dominant, and growing, force in mainstream tech.  The simple truth: people die.  Cater to the youth vote, because in the long term, the youth will become older, and the old will die.  A campaign platform based on early bird specials and noise complaints is not sustainable.  As the Republican Party ages, and ages horribly I might add, its followed die, and unfortunately for them, its followers are old.

However, the truly elegant aspect of the Democratic strategy in not in facts, but in perceptions. My guess is that a large portion of you who just read this agreed with the above paragraph. Do I have any evidence to back it up? Of course not, its probably a blatant lie.  But the public perception is that the Republican Party is old, and the Democratic Party is young, and that simple perception is all that matters to make the prophecy self-fulfilling.  Its a classic battle between establishment and more-different establishment.  One side pretends to be counter-culture, makes its products hip, trim, and *importantly* distinguishable from its competitors, and two years later everyone has white headphones, wears a “think different” t-shirt, and then finds five dollars.  Why is it important to have a distinguishable product?  Because its meaningless to be counter-culture unless you can show it off to all of your friends.

Why is this dangerous? Because it could spell the end of the two-party system as we know it.  The Democratic Party has been able to defy game theory by playing two strategies at the same time, leaving the republican party little room to maneuver.  Not fair.  What can they do about it?

There’s a ten-ton elephant in the room, and it must be eaten.  I recommend that we spice it with paprika first to get rid of the decrepid 72-year-old smell. It must be rebranded, baked into pie, and then served at every indie and emo concert in the coutry. “The (Republic Party)++ feels your pain.  It will stop birds from dying.  Here’s some pie.” Associate the Republican party with something delicious–not mentally challenged hockey moms, old people, or the Amish.  No one wants to be any of those things. They aren’t what kids dream about when they’re little.  People want to be able to dance.  They want to have hope. They want bird to live.  And they want pie.

My advice: get back to your roots of individual liberty and a state-led federalism.  Listen to the youth of American.  Change your mascot.  Chip away at the Democratic base.  Expose it for the big-government behemoth lurking beneath the fold.  Hide Palin in a padded room, and maybe then you will weather the winter.  In the words of Marcus Aurelius, “There was once a dream that was the the Republican party. You could only whisper it.  Anything more than a whisper and it would vanish.” Strength and honor, my Republican friends.  Strength and honor.