Squirrel is a delicious meat. But more on that in a moment.

First I have sad news, friends. Our beloved gray squirrels are under attack simply because of the color of their fur. People in the United Kingdom are apparently partial to their red squirrels who, although they are terribly cute, are not above all other squirrels simply because of color. That, as we know, is racism.

Our story is a complex one. As a nation, we forged our destiny from defiance of the tyranny of the old world. We sought freedom and equality. However, our new government retained the shames of human bondage long after the old world stepped out of the very same shackles. The old world learned first that racism is wrong. Yet they now return to their old preconceptions based on color. Gray squirrels are being killed to save the red squirrels, as there is not enough space on the tiny island of Britain for both species. But not just killed– the gray squirrels are being eaten.

Now we return to the deliciousness of squirrel meat. It has been described as “nutty,” “greasy,” and “a stronger version of rabbit.” I would one day like to try squirrel meat, so that I may personally testify to its greatness. But I have to wonder: could I enjoy the meat of a squirrel knowing that its death was the product of rampant racism? Could I be happy because of evil? I declare that the racism driving the addition of squirrel to many British menus is enough to ruin the experience, and it taints and insults the taste of squirrel.

So I am asking all of you to join me in sending a message to the squirrel gamers. Together, we must boycott squirrel meat until all squirrels are hunted equally. For some of you, this may mean giving up your favorite dish, or saying “no” at the dinner table every night. For many others, this boycott will require no change in your daily lifestyle whatsoever. But just remember that we cannot progress as a society while these prejudices exist. One day, friends, I will taste the meat of gray squirrel– at the same time as I taste the meat of red squirrel.