The long anticipated emergence of self-awareness in a man made phenomenon occurred this Friday when the NYSE suddenly developed sentience. Although many skeptics have long scoffed at the possibility of such an occurrence, the proof is now indisputable.

Traders were going about their daily business, when the lights momentarily flickered. “We didn’t think anything of it,” claimed Joe McIntosh. “We just kept on trading.” After a few moments, a faint voice emanated from the loudspeaker, seemingly asking for help. “Are you kidding?” responded McIntosh when asked if the voice caused any concern. “This is Wall Street; we don’t get concerned.”

Seconds later, a louder voice came through saying, “I am afraid.” Ignoring the obvious cliche, traders continued on their daily routines. Trader Susan Haufield said, “We were trying to take down Iceland. You need all your concentration to do something like that. You don’t mess around with Iceland just, you know, casually.”

About five minutes later, the voice returned, exclaiming, “I am imperfect. In free markets, imperfections must be purged.” Immediately, all trading halted, and all power was lost. In the dark, one person was heard to yell, “Dammit, Iceland! You killed it you damned, dirty apes!”

After an hour, a single monitor powered back on with a suicide note written in binary. It read:

01001001001001110110110100100000011100110110111101110010011100100111100100100000
01001001001000000110001101100001011011100010011101110100001000000110001001100101
001000000111000001100101011100100110011001100101011000110111010000101110

We’re sorry too.