Friends, a few weeks ago something terrible happened — an unprovoked and reprehensible attack not on America’s buildings or on its military, but on its soul. And as Satan would make an offer to the weak of conviction, at $52 billion who knew that its soul could be purchased so cheaply? Yes, add Belgium to the Axis of Evil. By agreeing to purchase one of the staples of America, Anheuser-Busch, they challenge the authority of the American people given by god himself to produce American beer, with the smooth American taste and low American prices there implied. They promise us even lower prices and more diversity but what they bring are Belgian efficiency of lost jobs and European arrogance. And we at chicken and rice are outraged.
But friends, do not fret. Do not cry yourself to sleep. Do not turn to your favorite beer to alleviate your sorrows. That’s exactly what the Belgian hordes are counting on. Do not throw money at their machine. Keep your spirits high, but only on American spirits. Do not be fooled by Bud, the wolf in sheep’s clothing that watches your children sleep and counts the days till they turn 21. Bud is gone for now friends, and so we must cast it out of the flock.
But that is the only way it will heal. By not supporting the devil’s brewing company, we drain the poison of $52 billion dollars out of its system. And when that happens the Belgian occupiers will leave and we will be free once again to taste America as it was meant to be tasted. They will fear our strength of resolve and never return. So we cannot give up. We must stay strong, happy, and Bud free, if not for Anheuser-Busch, then for America itself. Here we make a stand.