Brown water, most inferior of all things brown, why do you display your brown-ness so undeliciously? Like the Japanese, you are a kamikaze to the face during an otherwise relaxing shower. But it ends today. It ends now. Consider this my day that will live in infamy–the day when I was forced to go to work covered in a strange dark residue, which I would have washed away if not for one of life’s many paradoxes. You coward, hiding behind 5 seconds of purity. Your sneak attack may have worked once, but not again sir, not again. Consider this my declaration of war.
Brown water, what makes you so brown? Are you a chocolate sauce added by a kind utility worker to make some child’s dreams come true? No sir, you are evil. You are hate. You are all things brown that humanity would rather not see, smell, touch, nor taste. And I suggest you remain as such, for if you try again your efforts will be fruitless. With a spare gallon of unsoiled water hidden away, I am prepared for your next assault. I will be clean once again. Why, you ask? I speak for all humanity when I say–No thanks, brown water. I’m brown enough.