“Priced for quick sale” can be a scary thing to see in the super market. With these high risk items, it is only natural to feel a bit iffy about investing in them. But with the proper perspective, and a bit of diversity in your options, you can find amazing ways to use your new, almost stale foodstuff. The following are five ways of using a half priced bundt cake.

1. A good snack, as long as you eat it right away. This can be dangerous, however, because the tendency is to want to eat it all at once — especially if the cake will expire in the next 24 hours. Remember, half price means twice the calories per unit of currency. Be very wary of completing this task by yourself. If at all possible, enlist the help of a friend, or even better, two or three. This will promote relationship building as you all enjoy your bundt cake together.

2. A hat. If you decide you do not want to eat your bundt cake, then depending on the level of staleness, it could make quite a nice hat. Remember, the cake can be easily accesorized with some small fruits or chocolate chips. Just be ready to soak in the “cool” when people on the street stare at you, wishing they had a hat that was once edible. Machine wash delicate, and low-heat dry cycle with like colors. But be careful not to wear your awesome hat in the sun for too long.

3. A babysitter. After a while, your bundt cake will take on a life of its own as all sorts of mold and fungus begin to appear on it. Let the dynamism of this miniature ecosystem scare your kids into going to bed on time. Make sure that you clean your babysitter regularly so that it does not spread disease. Nothing puts the fear of God into the young’uns like a creepy, crawly cake. Guaranteed.

4. A doorstop. This one is self-explanatory.

5. The ultimate anti-communist weapon. Simply place an American flag on a tooth pick in the top of the cake and bring it to your friendly neighborhood red’s house. They will melt when brought in such close contact with all that capitalism represents. Stars, stripes, and a bundt cake. That’s what we’re all about.

Remember, you don’t have to be scared out of your mind by a week-old bundt cake. Just take a deep breath and remind yourself that there are many ways to use it. Well, there are at least five. Maybe you can be creative and come up with even more ways for a stale cake to enrich your life. The important thing is to buy the cake, no matter what, as the very principles of our society, as well as the baker’s self esteem, are riding on your purchase. Don’t be afraid — live a little.