Following is an outlined proof that there exists a supremely delicious food, and that we must find it. Please leave suggestions if you think it is inadequate (I didn’t major in math — or miracles, for that matter). After all, the finding of new delicious is a serious matter.

Key:
Fx = x is food
Tx = x is a moment in time
Hx = x is a human
Ix = x is an input
Ox = x is an output
Jx = x is obtained
Kx = x is eaten
Lxy = x is in the interest of y
Wxy = x wants y
Exy = x is easier than y
Bxy = x is better than y

Part I

All humans want that which is delicious.
   (x)(y)((Hx^Dy)⊃Wxy)
That which humans want is in their interest.
   (x)(y)((Hx^Wxy)⊃Lyx)
Therefore, that which is delicious is in the interest of humans.
   (x)(y)((Hx^Dy)⊃Lyx)

Part II

For every input, there is an output.
   (x)(∃y)(Ix^Oy)
Things that are easier are better.
   (x)(y)(Exy⊃Bxy)
Things that require less input than given output are easier.
   (w)(x)(y)(z)(((Ix^Oy)^(I’w^O’z)^((z-w)>(y-x)))⊃Ewx)
Therefore, things that require less input than given output are better.
   (w)(x)(y)(z)(((Ix^Oy)^(I’w^O’z)^((z-w)>(y-x)))⊃Bwx)

Part III

Obtaining food is an input.
   (x)(∃y)((Fx^Jx)⊃Iy)
Eating food is an output.
   (x)(∃y)((Fx^Kx)⊃Oy))
Therefore, obtaining less food and eating more food is easier.
   (w)(x)(y)(z)(((Fw^Fx^Fy^Fz)^(Jx^Ky)^(J’w^K’z)^((z-w)>(y-x)))⊃Ewx)
Therefore, obtaining less food and eating more food is better.
   (w)(x)(y)(z)(((Fw^Fx^Fy^Fz)^(Jx^Ky)^(J’w^K’z)^((z-w)>(y-x)))⊃Bwx)

Part IV

Anything can be easier.
   (x)(∃y)(Eyx)
Therefore, one food may be obtained and infinite food eaten.
   (∃x)(∃y)((Fx^Jx)^(Fy^Ky)^((x=1)^(y=∞)))
Therefore, there exists a food that is always delicious.
   (∃x)(Fx^(y)(Ty⊃Dx)) (From now on, we shall refer to this food as p.)

Part V

Humans want what is easier.
   (x)(y)((Hx^(z)(Eyz))⊃Wxy)
The food which is always delicious is easier than all other foods.
   (x)((Fx^(x≠p))⊃Epx)
Therefore, the food which is always delicious is in the interest of humanity.
   (x)(Hx⊃Lpx)

And so we must find this thus far elusive, always delicious food – this p – as it is in our interest to do so.

Below is written an excerpt from the Book of Sandwich (ch. II)

…so Steve the Baker looked down upon what he had created and saw that it was delicious. And upon this leavened bread did he spread spicy brown mustard, declaring that of the sandwich condiments, spicy brown mustard was superior to mayonnaise. And upon this spicy brown mustard did he place ham sliced so thin that the atoms themselves did tremble in fear. And upon this ham did he place a slice of cheese forged from the milk of Mother Earth herself. So did he place the final slice of leavened bread on the sandwich. But as the people looked on, he did declare that the sandwich was not complete. So did he place the sandwich into the oven and infuse it with the purifying heat of a thousand suns, and so he waited.

…And he removed the sandwich from the oven, and the people saw that the cheese had melted but the bread had not burned. Such was the first miracle of the sandwich. He then looked down upon the sandwich and declared that it was still delicious. And so it was.

To my dismay, and partially of my own doing, the word delicious has not appeared in the past four posts, including two Delicious of the Weeks. We at chicken and rice hold the idea of delicious in the utmost regard. And so, this Delicious of the Week is a tribute to our favorite synonym of scrumptious, mouthwatering, yummy, heavenly, fulfilling, satisfying, gratifying, soul pleasing, tastebud teasing, delectable, titillating, overly-palatable, and oh so wonderfully wonderful.

We won’t get into circumstantial details, but Bill Clinton once famously said, “It depends on what the meaning of the word ‘is’ is.” Here at chicken and rice, we strive for disambiguity, and we believe that the word “is” is actually quite powerful, and not nearly as arbitrary as President Clinton suggests (then again, having been under oath can be a powerful motivator), and so from here on, in this post, it will be presented in bold. Week after week, we try to bring you something that is delicious.

A puppy pancake is delicious. A beerwich is delicious. Diversity is delicious. (To/A) Squash is delicious. Lactaid, while not delicious in itself, allows for more enjoyment of delicious. Bundt cake is delicious. Chicken pot pie is delicious. And, rest assured, the list will continue.

But if we view delicious as an idea upon istelf, then, by rules of predicate nominatives (and the commutative property), delicious is all the things we have described. [It should be noted that this is not a "a square is a rectangle but a rectangle is not a square" case because delicious is not a geometric shape and it is constrained by no properties other than deliciousness.] And so we arrive at the beauty of delicious. Friends, I hope you are sitting down, as I am about to let you in on a secret. Delicious is all the things we give you. It is puppy pancakes, diversity, chicken pot pie and the like. Delicious encompasses all.

And so you can see why we take delicious so seriously. It keeps us sane and fulfilled. It prevents people from jumping off of buildings while eerie personifications of yummy food watch in despair. Don’t believe me? Just look at the top of this page. It gives people like rice and beef (yours truly *moo*) a cause for which to bear the standard. We at chicken and rice believe strongly in tautologies, as all logical people should. So you’ll understand why I take this moment to say, “delicious is delicious.”